Let's Just Talk

 Words can kill. The spark can be lost just as quickly. "Stars exploded in the night sky but no one heard a thing. Silence followed this chaos. Things happened. Yet... A sudden smile ran up my face. In the middle of this pain, I choose to stay, with this familiar unfamiliarity." And soon it was Daylight.

 Life is crazy, one moment in life breaks you, the other builds you; the cycle goes on. But some things are more interesting and weirder than this. Sometimes we can’t resist someone, we find love and care within ourselves for them. Things we hold on to as souvenirs of their memories. When forced to stay apart from them, it hurts to the point that we’d fight for them. Sometimes in life, these are the people we can't live without. We are addicted to them, even possessive. We crave even the shortest conversation with them. We get jealous of those who could speak a thousand words with them. "Why can't I be the same?" unconsciously their smile becomes yours. It's funny when we realize all of this was just a little too much, guilt soon follows, and we begin distancing ourselves from love, a madness. We're sick, broken, idiotic, sociopathic, mentally troubled; whatever this world can throw at us. This is where life tests us. When all beliefs are lost and we're co...

 I wish to write a thousand words but, no one is here to listen. Time is making me go insane again. I wish to hold on to the daylight but it's running faint in these darkest hours. I've been praying for the courage to say it out loud. This fear is killing me again. As chaos follows me. I feel just as empty inside without you. With you, each moment, however short, is worth it. I'll choose you all the time. I wish for you at every moment in life.

 Been laughing so loud, I'm breathless As time closed in I remembered I was gonna lose you. Time! The greatest thief to have ever lived. The one that stole my laughter, Friends, Happiness. I wish we could freeze these moments we shared. I'll be holding on to the little scraps you left behind, Tokens of our victories, I'll hold on to it all. I just wish to scream out loud, "I love you, Daylight" But I'm afraid, again. This pain is sickening. These moments away from you, I can't breathe. Please stay...

These cold sunny mornings leave me with a fuzzy feeling. I hate waking up. I love the comfort of sleeping all balled up in my cozy blanket. Letting myself be at ease. Yet each morning, I wake up and make a run. The kind I hate. The kind that leaves me breathless. To a place that brings me discomfort. To people who know me but don't understand me. To the ocean of unfamiliarity. From a Dream forest of comforting fantasies. All and all just to be good enough for you. All and all to be alive for you. All and all to love the daylight. Maybe that fuzzy feeling is love. The warmth of sunshine in the cold mornings. I'll miss these cold sunny mornings.

 It's difficult to love people.   Conditional love is easier, you stick around until the needs are fulfilled. Many friendships start this way, attachments. As birds of feather would often flock together until the cat arrives, time.   Time tests Love.   Unconditional love is difficult to find. It's difficult to maintain in this conditional world. Broken people often lose it.   This kind of Love inspires us to fix ourselves from within. It's natural, not forced upon you. But our fears and past experiences will tell us otherwise, they'll question it every time.   In the end, Love is Daylight.   Without Happiness, Love is Pain. With only happiness, it is Euphoria. It's complicated yet simple enough.

Why are all writers broken? We craft meaning from these broken shards of our soul. Broken by hope Broken by love We bleed blue We streal words from the books we love, We steal moments from time, We steal life from death, We craft our meaning from nothing. We lock it away like our treasure in our chest where we come to bleed blue. Isn't it cruel? I never heard your side of the story. Neither did you hear mine. We simply misunderstood each other. The time wasn't on our side. I still wish we talked. It's painful but real.

 Scribbling down pain might just be the best way to cope with it. Slowly learning to tolerate it. Some nights, it gusts over me like the winter breeze. Some days are a burden, more like every day. After a while, no matter how hard I try, I feel this dread, as if something is still holding me back. Why can't I speak what I have to? Why can't I be myself around the ones I wish to hold on to? These mood shifts, these constant reminders of not being enough, this fear of rejection. Yet amid all this chaos, that smile. A smile I'd die for a thousand times.