Let's Just Talk

It's been 4 years now. I don't remember what took over that day, as I stood there lost in my rage on that bridge. I never quite understood why I felt what I felt, but somthing cracked. I loved you, but I was enraged by you. So frustrated I almost texted you a rant. I still kept it, maybe I'm a drama queen. But it's been 4 years, and I still can't shake that feeling off. Each day it's repeated in my nightmares. I wanted to scream, I cared for you, but all I felt was neglected. Rejected. Judged. And I still can't stand it when someone makes me feel that way. Boiling my blood with rage, making me wanna rip their hearts out so they finally feel what I feel, heartless. I remember asking you once. You were once my safety net, but then you let me fall into the darkest pits of hell of my own creation. I ripped my heart out as an offering to you, but I squashed it before giving it to you. I'm not healing, thanks to you my Periwinkle. You were adorable but tragic....

Is it fair for me to wish for good people to stick around? Is it fair for me to wish things to be better? Is it fair for me to to hopeless wait? Is it fair to hold on to saying "I love you"? Is it fair? To die each night wishing for you to feel the same about me? I might be selfish but I want you to be happier than the last time I saw you. If only I could be a part of that smile, I'd be honoured. As time sperated us, I had no excuse to be around you, I felt like a mess without you. I remember the panic I felt the last time I said it to you, took me a while to heal. I guess that's just life. I'm sorry for what happened, we can't blame anyone, we were still kids, and time wasn't on our side. But I still wish you well, I hope you are smiling in a corner of this universe, while I rerun our quirky arguments. Each breeze would remind me of you, and I promise to love, and I'm sorry I hate you now, in the next life my Periwinkle.