Let's Just Talk

It's been 4 years now. I don't remember what took over that day, as I stood there lost in my rage on that bridge. I never quite understood why I felt what I felt, but somthing cracked. I loved you, but I was enraged by you. So frustrated I almost texted you a rant. I still kept it, maybe I'm a drama queen. But it's been 4 years, and I still can't shake that feeling off. Each day it's repeated in my nightmares. I wanted to scream, I cared for you, but all I felt was neglected. Rejected. Judged. And I still can't stand it when someone makes me feel that way. Boiling my blood with rage, making me wanna rip their hearts out so they finally feel what I feel, heartless. I remember asking you once. You were once my safety net, but then you let me fall into the darkest pits of hell of my own creation. I ripped my heart out as an offering to you, but I squashed it before giving it to you. I'm not healing, thanks to you my Periwinkle. You were adorable but tragic....

Is it fair for me to wish for good people to stick around? Is it fair for me to wish things to be better? Is it fair for me to to hopeless wait? Is it fair to hold on to saying "I love you"? Is it fair? To die each night wishing for you to feel the same about me? I might be selfish but I want you to be happier than the last time I saw you. If only I could be a part of that smile, I'd be honoured. As time sperated us, I had no excuse to be around you, I felt like a mess without you. I remember the panic I felt the last time I said it to you, took me a while to heal. I guess that's just life. I'm sorry for what happened, we can't blame anyone, we were still kids, and time wasn't on our side. But I still wish you well, I hope you are smiling in a corner of this universe, while I rerun our quirky arguments. Each breeze would remind me of you, and I promise to love, and I'm sorry I hate you now, in the next life my Periwinkle.

I finally saw it in his eyes today. A defeated soldier waiting for the moment he perishes. A lost creature of a story that ended decades ago. Trying to find meaning in the mundane. Playing chance with life. Playing bets with all he's done. A man pushing his limits. His body now dying. A man without love? Or A man full of it? I wish to know him when he was younger. I've spent quite some time around him, but not significant enough to understand him. I've heard stories about him but none could be his legends. A Mystery slipping away, a man just as misunderstood as me. Somedays he's childish, somedays just empty, he's quiet, he's independent. He loves his garden to the point that it burns him, the same passion I inherited. His lust for victories, his distance from people. Often wondered am I just him in a younger body? Who does he think of when he's alone? Does he wish to change something for the better? His pain is unseen, Will it be enough to see it? Cause I c...

 Words can kill. The spark can be lost just as quickly. "Stars exploded in the night sky but no one heard a thing. Silence followed this chaos. Things happened. Yet... A sudden smile ran up my face. In the middle of this pain, I choose to stay, with this familiar unfamiliarity." And soon it was Daylight.

 Life is crazy, one moment in life breaks you, the other builds you; the cycle goes on. But some things are more interesting and weirder than this. Sometimes we can’t resist someone, we find love and care within ourselves for them. Things we hold on to as souvenirs of their memories. When forced to stay apart from them, it hurts to the point that we’d fight for them. Sometimes in life, these are the people we can't live without. We are addicted to them, even possessive. We crave even the shortest conversation with them. We get jealous of those who could speak a thousand words with them. "Why can't I be the same?" unconsciously their smile becomes yours. It's funny when we realize all of this was just a little too much, guilt soon follows, and we begin distancing ourselves from love, a madness. We're sick, broken, idiotic, sociopathic, mentally troubled; whatever this world can throw at us. This is where life tests us. When all beliefs are lost and we're co...

 I wish to write a thousand words but, no one is here to listen. Time is making me go insane again. I wish to hold on to the daylight but it's running faint in these darkest hours. I've been praying for the courage to say it out loud. This fear is killing me again. As chaos follows me. I feel just as empty inside without you. With you, each moment, however short, is worth it. I'll choose you all the time. I wish for you at every moment in life.

 Been laughing so loud, I'm breathless As time closed in I remembered I was gonna lose you. Time! The greatest thief to have ever lived. The one that stole my laughter, Friends, Happiness. I wish we could freeze these moments we shared. I'll be holding on to the little scraps you left behind, Tokens of our victories, I'll hold on to it all. I just wish to scream out loud, "I love you, Daylight" But I'm afraid, again. This pain is sickening. These moments away from you, I can't breathe. Please stay...