Let's Just Talk

I fell in love for the first time with a stranger, a soul so similar yet so different from mine. I couldn't stand her yet I craved her light. Back then I was searching for a reason to live, an early teen searching for his kind of people. I entertained a lot of disrespect and been judged for my ability to question, only to be around her. She was the prettiest girl I've ever met, while I was an asshole to everyone. She left my heart broken. Took my second love to fix it. My bestfriend. I never understood why she cared but she cared. She was crazy for breathing life into a dying corpse, my kind of crazy. She saw me get attached to objects of desire, she saw me learn to cook, she saw me fail at flirting, she saw me appreciate little things. She taught me to say "I love you" without hesitation. All those years we been through crazy shit. She fell sick, I would be worried. She failed, I'd encourage her to not give up. We put in efforts into each other, however little th...

It's been 4 years now. I don't remember what took over that day, as I stood there lost in my rage on that bridge. I never quite understood why I felt what I felt, but somthing cracked. I loved you, but I was enraged by you. So frustrated I almost texted you a rant. I still kept it, maybe I'm a drama queen. But it's been 4 years, and I still can't shake that feeling off. Each day it's repeated in my nightmares. I wanted to scream, I cared for you, but all I felt was neglected. Rejected. Judged. And I still can't stand it when someone makes me feel that way. Boiling my blood with rage, making me wanna rip their hearts out so they finally feel what I feel, heartless. I remember asking you once. You were once my safety net, but then you let me fall into the darkest pits of hell of my own creation. I ripped my heart out as an offering to you, but I squashed it before giving it to you. I'm not healing, thanks to you my Periwinkle. You were adorable but tragic....

Is it fair for me to wish for good people to stick around? Is it fair for me to wish things to be better? Is it fair for me to to hopeless wait? Is it fair to hold on to saying "I love you"? Is it fair? To die each night wishing for you to feel the same about me? I might be selfish but I want you to be happier than the last time I saw you. If only I could be a part of that smile, I'd be honoured. As time sperated us, I had no excuse to be around you, I felt like a mess without you. I remember the panic I felt the last time I said it to you, took me a while to heal. I guess that's just life. I'm sorry for what happened, we can't blame anyone, we were still kids, and time wasn't on our side. But I still wish you well, I hope you are smiling in a corner of this universe, while I rerun our quirky arguments. Each breeze would remind me of you, and I promise to love, and I'm sorry I hate you now, in the next life my Periwinkle.

I finally saw it in his eyes today. A defeated soldier waiting for the moment he perishes. A lost creature of a story that ended decades ago. Trying to find meaning in the mundane. Playing chance with life. Playing bets with all he's done. A man pushing his limits. His body now dying. A man without love? Or A man full of it? I wish to know him when he was younger. I've spent quite some time around him, but not significant enough to understand him. I've heard stories about him but none could be his legends. A Mystery slipping away, a man just as misunderstood as me. Somedays he's childish, somedays just empty, he's quiet, he's independent. He loves his garden to the point that it burns him, the same passion I inherited. His lust for victories, his distance from people. Often wondered am I just him in a younger body? Who does he think of when he's alone? Does he wish to change something for the better? His pain is unseen, Will it be enough to see it? Cause I c...

 Words can kill. The spark can be lost just as quickly. "Stars exploded in the night sky but no one heard a thing. Silence followed this chaos. Things happened. Yet... A sudden smile ran up my face. In the middle of this pain, I choose to stay, with this familiar unfamiliarity." And soon it was Daylight.

 Life is crazy, one moment in life breaks you, the other builds you; the cycle goes on. But some things are more interesting and weirder than this. Sometimes we can’t resist someone, we find love and care within ourselves for them. Things we hold on to as souvenirs of their memories. When forced to stay apart from them, it hurts to the point that we’d fight for them. Sometimes in life, these are the people we can't live without. We are addicted to them, even possessive. We crave even the shortest conversation with them. We get jealous of those who could speak a thousand words with them. "Why can't I be the same?" unconsciously their smile becomes yours. It's funny when we realize all of this was just a little too much, guilt soon follows, and we begin distancing ourselves from love, a madness. We're sick, broken, idiotic, sociopathic, mentally troubled; whatever this world can throw at us. This is where life tests us. When all beliefs are lost and we're co...