Avalanche
In the beginning, there was nothing, then the universe was born, filled with ionized particles, and immense radiation. As new starts were created some were dying along the way. Each explosion caused another. Then one day our Sun was born, the universe had gotten much more habitable at this point and our Earth refuged life.
As life evolved it got more complex, especially humans. We dominated the planet with our ability to adapt almost anywhere. We created society, a complex system where one is assigned a role to play for the pack's survival. As Mankind got its hands on the first stone weapon thus began the rise of technology.
We barely know when we got sentient or had a true sense of consciousness. Much of human history is lost to time and much of the information out there is just as unreliable.
Ancient scholars, religious leaders and writers, all came up with their own explanations about the origin of life and its purpose. Each right in his own way, yet so wrong from the other.
Morality was subjective. It has always been. And no matter what we do we can't deny that deep down we are all narcissists. We know we are right. It's hard to paint a better society with that way of thinking.
The most beautiful way to understand morality would be to question it. To ask it with a "Why?"
I like ice cream.
Why?
Because it's tasty.
Why?
Because it's sweet.
Why do you like sweets?
Well, it makes me feel good.
So, why?
(Well, clinically sugar molecules trigger our reward systems and our feeling brain loves being rewarded.)
Suppose I had a similar conversation with the Tyrants of human history, like Genghis Khan or Adolf Hitler. In that case, the conversation will always end with an answer similar to the ice cream. "It feels right so it must be." Which is so wrong, yet they never questioned the origin of the thought.
As I was reading last night, I came across the argument,
Reflecting on my own life, I can see that being true. Emotions cloud our judgment; they make us react irrationally. Sometimes after the heat is gone and you start to think again you realize how big of a menace you were.
But you can't completely lose your emotions. As somewhere they drive us, they drive us to the conclusion we would never if we couldn't feel. The point is that nothing is controllable, that self-control is merely an illusion.
Dark thoughts and emotions are pretty difficult to shake. And it's difficult not to be consumed by it at times.
Mankind created God, Religion and a sense of community to feel as if they were in control, that their actions mattered and their choices reflect their afterlife. The concept of Karma, heaven and hell, were implemented to make us feel that being good was the only way to a better life. It's nothing surprising religious people are often less suicidal.
But once you grow out of these beliefs and see their flaws, all you can feel is pain for a really long time. Like life is worse with you in it. Nothing truly matters. You feel like an imposter.
I used to run away from happiness, and I still do, as if I let it any closer, I’ll be addicted to it. And that started my journey as a moping ballad writer. In many ways it’s the pain that inspires, the thinking brain only helps in finding the words, all while the feeling brain feels it’s gonna make it feel better.
I might not know what my trauma was to begin with but it somehow snowballed into an avalanche.
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