Resurgence

 “What would be left of me when I lose all my hope?” I asked.

If nothing but a corpse moaning over pain, I could never reason. As all I wrote becomes just as meaningless as my existence.

As reality gets more twisted, faith holds no value. As the world collapses, I could sense the darkness rising. Lost in the epicentre of the storm, I could barely control it. The destruction is inevitable. The loss is irreversible. A world of defeat, a world where I was consumed by my demons. As the little boy, who once hoped for love, lie lifeless in my arms. I regret the monster I became. I thought I could fix it. I could save reality. I failed. I failed them all.

Nothing matters. Death is inevitable. He feared it. So, he ran, afraid of the reminders of his mortality he ran. Cried after watching strangers’ funerals, ran away from the truth that death was natural. He kept running, too afraid to live.

Then, he found love. Just a glimpse of the reality of what it could be. He trusted his heart and poured every last ounce of care into this world. He desired to live, unable to express it. Maybe it wasn’t meant for him, he thought. Afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of losing happiness. Hiding around excuses to not live. Avoiding dancing when it would have let him feel. Holding back on those smiles.

Reality hits harder than expected when you have a close call to Mortality. Looking up at the sky filled with stars, you are reminded you are just as insignificant.

I hoped to not lose again. I tried being honest, but I failed.

Followed by a life of darkness. Killing me from within. Too afraid to live, as rage consumed him. Afraid of loving, afraid of losing, afraid I’ll be just like me a couple of years back.

I had no idea who I was. Or what am I now? All I can remember is a ghost from the past.

I made a prison of my creations, fueled by misery and thirst for perfection. I forgot how to express myself, when I do it’s the darkness speaking.

When life presents a chance at redemption, I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. As I wish to live again, I can’t stop thinking about losing hope again. If now I die hoping, I don’t think I’d be able to come back.