Let's Just Talk

We all have felt melancholy at some point in life. Like there's nothing but an endless silence, nothing matters, nor do you care. You find everything so pointless, yet there's a massive hole you don't understand how to fill. A body where the soul just lost the enthusiasm to live. Often times I find myself asking paradoxical questions, and sometimes I find them suicidal in the end. Even if I tried I never really understand what makes these questions sound creepy or demotivating. The premise is simple, I just wanna understand the fundamentals and core reasons for specific human actions or even my own. Am I crazy to ask, why I shiver on heights despite knowing I can't die from the fall as long as don't jump? And even if I could, what holds me back. If life is so miserable why does one still go along with it rather than just end it if they can? I did all I could but I can never understand this state of life. Melancholy. A sadness without a specific cause, a pain without...

I wasn't able to sleep today, woke at 4, took a shower and i was starving so I decided to make oat meal with milk. I roasted some oats till i could smell them, then i added milk. I stired and it absorbed all the milk so I added more. I added just enough to cover the oats then some salt, yes salt! I stired and stired. Then it almost felt like too thick. I added water let it sit, till it was the perfect consistency. Added a tiny amount of cheese some salt to taste. And finally herbs. Give it a mix and we have an almost white sauce oatmeal. This might still need some work but it tastes good to my tastebuds.

Love is one of the most complicated chemical reactions that takes place within the grey matter. I recently got to watch Tadap (2022) the movie, the official Hindi remake of RX 100. The fun fact about this movie is that the story was based on a real-life event. The production and story writer did add a feelings and elements from their personal love life. Now here's the thing, there are going to be spoilers in this discussion. Please avoid it if you wanna enjoy the movie spoilers free. When Bollywood announced this remake critics had mixed predictions for the film. Some were excited about a remake, some were afraid of the controversies this movie might create. Bollywood making a film like this was quite a risk. I did watch the original, I knew the story but surely skipped the non-important intimate scenes. RX 100 has quite a lot of them. The remake is heavily censored. There are quite a different approaches to some bonding scenes. And overall the budget for this film was just so high...

Well, by this point almost everyone from my class, read my blog. There's always a joy when you are being notified for something people find relatable, like they finally see me as a human. I am grateful for those moments, but there's often the fact that they keep asking me when's the next post going to and what is it about? The fact is I'm just as clueless. Writing is something that I enjoy. I love to share a story that has a greater meaning to it. A discussion worth sharing with the world. I don't blog because it's profitable or i consider myself a content creator that has to post on a regular basis. Like I said this is a place to share stories and experience. So if you are here for the rollercoaster ride, here it comes. For the last couple of months I'll say, I've been in difficult situations. Emotionally and physically, the very fact that I had no will left to even write anything new was kinda annoying, left me wondering if this was a cycle. By the way...

 Sleep, a necessary aspect of life, it's not only important to restore the functionalities of the mind but to keep track of time. My relationship with this entity has been quite difficult. Sometimes I spend my nights sleeping through the afternoon while sometimes cursing myself for all the things I've done before. I'll never be able to understand sleep, but time is one such evil queen that has healed and also broken me at times. It's quite idiotic but I do feel like I'm running out of time. If we do the maths right an average human lives for about 60-70 years I've just been alive for 18. Still have forty-ish years, right? I looked back at an old video I made, it was some random images of me and my friends from 2016 to 2018 or something I created at the start of the pandemic. Yeah, it still cringed. Like if I was watching a rainbow poop of a unicorn. It was still made after we got separated but... (sigh)... nevermind. A near-death, a heartbreak, and the worst bet...

Life's kinda crazy. Maybe I should just get it tattooed somewhere. It's miserable. The simple fact is that I can't get what I want even if I try. The fact that the world wouldn't let me live the way I want nor just let me die. I've seen death so close but it never kissed me. The misery is inevitable. I envy those who died before me. The world is a beautifully crafted illusion; one that promises greatness at the cost of your sanity. Love an emotional connection we say, is merely just some chemical secretion in the gray mass we call the brain. Yet, it holds the power to crush the greatest. I still don't understand why I still love the same person. Am I a dog, loyal to just one hypothetical individual, or a crazy person who doesn't have any other options? Am I a practical joke in the grand scheme of things? Oh. Wait jokes have meaning. My body just hates me. The day my exams were over I got a dry cough. It was like "Hey, don't have anything to worry ab...

Well, valentine's week just passed, and it got my hopeless romantic ass depressed. A bit jealous I'd say. Honestly, valentine's day is quite illogical for me. The only time I gave it thought was when I was in the puppy love state, yuck! I just had a crush. And having a crush is complex. Just like complex mathematics, a crush consists of imaginary and real elements. It's ration and also irrational sometimes. It can be positive negative. Who knew maths was that poetic. Anyways case in point, having a crush is common; I'm no expert on the topic but having experienced a crush myself, I realized a few things. Having a crush is quite normal, as common as ants on every other continent, Antarctica being the exception. Having a crush was the best useless thing that can happen to anyone. Crushes are pointless, it doesn't make you ready for love or perverted, it just means your biological reward system is working just as fine. But let's just talk about it from an emoti...