Let's Just Talk

Well, by this point almost everyone from my class, read my blog. There's always a joy when you are being notified for something people find relatable, like they finally see me as a human. I am grateful for those moments, but there's often the fact that they keep asking me when's the next post going to and what is it about? The fact is I'm just as clueless. Writing is something that I enjoy. I love to share a story that has a greater meaning to it. A discussion worth sharing with the world. I don't blog because it's profitable or i consider myself a content creator that has to post on a regular basis. Like I said this is a place to share stories and experience. So if you are here for the rollercoaster ride, here it comes. For the last couple of months I'll say, I've been in difficult situations. Emotionally and physically, the very fact that I had no will left to even write anything new was kinda annoying, left me wondering if this was a cycle. By the way...

 Sleep, a necessary aspect of life, it's not only important to restore the functionalities of the mind but to keep track of time. My relationship with this entity has been quite difficult. Sometimes I spend my nights sleeping through the afternoon while sometimes cursing myself for all the things I've done before. I'll never be able to understand sleep, but time is one such evil queen that has healed and also broken me at times. It's quite idiotic but I do feel like I'm running out of time. If we do the maths right an average human lives for about 60-70 years I've just been alive for 18. Still have forty-ish years, right? I looked back at an old video I made, it was some random images of me and my friends from 2016 to 2018 or something I created at the start of the pandemic. Yeah, it still cringed. Like if I was watching a rainbow poop of a unicorn. It was still made after we got separated but... (sigh)... nevermind. A near-death, a heartbreak, and the worst bet...

Life's kinda crazy. Maybe I should just get it tattooed somewhere. It's miserable. The simple fact is that I can't get what I want even if I try. The fact that the world wouldn't let me live the way I want nor just let me die. I've seen death so close but it never kissed me. The misery is inevitable. I envy those who died before me. The world is a beautifully crafted illusion; one that promises greatness at the cost of your sanity. Love an emotional connection we say, is merely just some chemical secretion in the gray mass we call the brain. Yet, it holds the power to crush the greatest. I still don't understand why I still love the same person. Am I a dog, loyal to just one hypothetical individual, or a crazy person who doesn't have any other options? Am I a practical joke in the grand scheme of things? Oh. Wait jokes have meaning. My body just hates me. The day my exams were over I got a dry cough. It was like "Hey, don't have anything to worry ab...

Well, valentine's week just passed, and it got my hopeless romantic ass depressed. A bit jealous I'd say. Honestly, valentine's day is quite illogical for me. The only time I gave it thought was when I was in the puppy love state, yuck! I just had a crush. And having a crush is complex. Just like complex mathematics, a crush consists of imaginary and real elements. It's ration and also irrational sometimes. It can be positive negative. Who knew maths was that poetic. Anyways case in point, having a crush is common; I'm no expert on the topic but having experienced a crush myself, I realized a few things. Having a crush is quite normal, as common as ants on every other continent, Antarctica being the exception. Having a crush was the best useless thing that can happen to anyone. Crushes are pointless, it doesn't make you ready for love or perverted, it just means your biological reward system is working just as fine. But let's just talk about it from an emoti...

Sometimes I just feel like I'm the most stupid person in the entire world. For context, My laptop has as issue with its hinge. Making it impossible to use sometimes. I mean it's annoying the whole screen has to be balanced to that it doesn't damage the tiny display wires. I've been telling my dad to get it fixed but he won't. So I thought I'll do it. I saw a few tutorials on the laptop model. I was confident enough so I opened up to see what does my laptop have. To be honest I was impressed to see an M.2 sata SSD. Thats not so difficult to accept anyone can see it in their laptop. I thought if I figured out a way to just get the SSD (a Storage Device) I can convert it into an external drive with an enclosure and use it. Well life is quite worst in this department. I failed so I decided to close it. Despite doing absolutely nothing but clicking the photographs of my storage to avoid being scammed. My internet keyboard which was already bad, the only thing it is g...

Isolation, people say that they have dealt with it. Especially in the pandemic, everyone has been locked away from each other, it was a necessary isolation. The type of isolation I'm talking about is more emotional and mental, it's not because of medical issues but rather one's choice or lack of choice. One doesn't choose isolation, it's often forced upon him due to external factors.  It often seems to the observer that the victim chose this for himself. Internally for this person, it was the only way.  Sometimes these emotions are so bottled up that even isolation doesn't cut it. I don't like to sware but I've observed that I've begun to curse more frequently and it's a form of relief for my subconscious mind.  I won't talk the real stuff, so I curse! Isolation of emotions and thoughts is often hard to go through. It's not like I wanna keep these things to myself. It's just that there's a mental and emotional block. Despite knowi...

I was going through some random old photographs I had, trying to find something to edit and post online. Like "I'm alive people, just inactive for a few days, sorry my bad. But I'm alive." Well, I guess I went too far back. Hit 2010s. Like seriously, I still have those photographs. Back then we had a digital family camera, a point and shoot to be accurate. Not a big deal, my dad still had his old photo films. Yeah from an SLR. Gosh, I'm lucky we keep my birth pictures locked up, they are all just too embarrassing to look at. Anyway, I was talk about photos. We'll metaphorical they are stills of a moment the one behind the camera thought this would be nice to keep a record of. In the modern era, this tool is available to everyone who has a smartphone or an thing with a camera. And as you know, I go running around saying I'm a photographer b so I should have tons of photos, right? Actually No. Let me explain. Sure I have images from 2010s but that was becau...